I love Memorial Day (and leave the BBQ's alone)

I love memorial day. I didn't used to think of it much and I BBQ all the time, so I'm not too impressed with all those cartoons running around. I love memorial day because I get to officially remember people, many of whom I think about consistently but It wasn't always this way. Remembering can be hard and (in my opinion) paying tribute to those memories are an individual choice.

I was living away from my family, in Arizona and married to an individual that didn't prefer me having any connections to people outside of him. My grandmothers both passed away in this time and I was unaware. My grandmother in Florida was an adorable little woman when I got to know her as a young kid. From my mom's stories, I know it wasn't always that way.

Grandma Gron had to be tough to live through my grandpa and I promise you, tough is an understatement. She raised three children and my mother is of the best I have the pleasure of knowing or to know or know of. I remember and cherish both my grandparents through my mother. Their lives were far from mine and I don't know them too well, but I choose to see all the ways that my mother was raised as the beautiful outcome that exists in and through her as well as in myself and my four siblings and all our children.

Grandma Shirley was a lot closer. We spent many days at her house, stricken from the pool next door (to prevent drowning, which you can do in a teaspoon of water) but allowed to run with the neighborhood strays into abandoned garages and piles of unknown metals and tools. Grandma Shirley would take the little change she had (my Grandpa passed away over 40 years ago) and walk us to the gas station to buy penny candies. She was a confidant and a constant in life. When I returned from Arizona to find that she had passed, I was devastated. Memories that had been filed away for years came back and still flow through, I think of her almost daily and know there are a few things she did that I am to pick up. I read letters that I had sent and reminisced, but it wasn't always this way.

During the abusive marriage I was in, I could not have handled her death, at least not well. I was also pregnant with my little one and had contractions from three months on. Bed rest was mandatory, I still had to work and the three stress factors together were more than I'd wish on anyone. When I first learned that Grandma had passed away, I still couldn't process it. I knew it, but you wouldn't find me on Memorial Day or any day thinking of her as I allow myself now. I was too sad and tired. Too beat down and still had my little Susan who needed a smile, not more mourning time.

Which brings us to today. Memorial Day 2014 and a day where I can sit by my pool, in my home that I just moved into with my daughters and lovely new fiance and remember those I have loved with style (Grandma wouldn't have it any other way) and gratitude. I love my family, I loved the many friends we've lost. I think of Nick Burfett often, of Evan and Patrick whose lives were shared in beautiful friendships with my young sisters and whose lives were cut very short. We talk about those people when we think of them often. The women in my family pay tribute to our Grandmas by wearing the things they loved to fancy gatherings, family events and big meetings (this ones a me thing).

As with many things in our country, we have a choice to remember and are enabled to remember  in our many ways through a shared holiday. It opens conversation for some and is a good excuse to get together for others. To each his own and to Grandpa Mason and the many other men in my family who have fought, stood for, protected and served their families even unto severe injury or death, I am proud to say thank you for the right to remember you and share on this day with those who would like to talk about their generations and loved ones as well. If you were to visit my home today, you would find us celebrating life and taking time to remember those who've passed. Happy Memorial Day.