With my mind spinning, I look through file after file, book
after book and discuss with individual after individual. Science, religion,
art, society… There is nothing that doesn’t interest me now. I’m on a quest to
help those I come into contact with and to benefit from them as well. I look
for justice, peace and evolution for all life.
I’m not sure when it started, my insatiable appetite for information.
I recall reading cereal boxes, shampoo bottles, billboards. I read stacks of
books each week – rarely taking a break to sleep or bathe. I’d bring 5 or more
books on trips to the lake, when we went camping as a family and on road trips.
I’d fill my mind with mystery novels, John Grisham and VC Andrews. When I’d
read all but the Hardy Boys and those weird series-type books, I moved on to
the non-fiction section. A biography on Audrey Hepburn that was well over a
thousand pages was my first leap into truer stories. I sunk my eyes into
instruction books on public speaking, the law, historical figures ranging from
the Beautiful Audrey Hepburn to the debased logic of Hitler. With gratitude, I
read and read. And then… Year and years passed. I hit High School and was
debate president. I read every day, clipped evidence from the news and
presented both sides to any argument. But wait… how is the news reported from
both sides, more than both sides? How do we know what’s true?
And then I was handed a book on the assassination of JFK and
The Tao of Pooh by my debate coach/history teacher.
The one who taught me about manifest destiny.
Wait!
What is real? What were all of those books I read? What of
those was true and what of them was a representation of just one angle of
existence?
The need for information got heavy. I kept going. I started
travelling and seeing for myself what is real. When I was in Malaysia, they all
had shacks with cell phones and Mercedes. But they were poor and they didn’t
have things we see as ‘necessary’ in our country. No auto insurance, for
example. I didn’t see one accident in my two weeks there save for the couple
times my uncle bumped a neighboring car to let them know they were driving
poorly. They took care of those things themselves in the moment. And I liked
that.
In Egypt, the heart of the globe and in a Middle Eastern
country that I was taught hated our country, enslaved millions and caused mass
exodus of the Jews, I was shown nothing but kindness. I had Maha Hosney, a
beautiful tour guide who spoke five languages and showed me small beacons of
truth. One of these was while walking past a large wall set up on the outskirts
of one of Egypt’s many large structures. I looked at the wall and saw images of
African’s, Asian’s and others being tortured in horrid ways. I swallowed hard
and braced myself to get confirmation that these now kind people were once the
barbarians I had read about. I asked “Why are there pictures of torture?” She
didn’t miss a beat when she casually replied, “Security.” Now confused, I kept
pushing until she explained. “If you were a family or a group of African travelers
who needed food or other sustenance or if you were a robber looking to find a
city to steal from, would you stop here if you saw these images with your
countrymen on them?”
No. No, I would not.
And then come the words of Sun Tzu – “To win without
fighting is best.” The Art of War.
Ahhh… I loved Egypt. Similarly, I loved Greece, Jamaica, The
US Virgin Islands and their wonderful, lovely people. I loved NYC and Beverly
Hills as well. I loved New Mexico, Scottsdale and other places, but the one
nagging feeling I had is that it was all the same, just different. What does
that even mean?
I’m only partially sure that I mean there are many cultures,
many religions and social groups in every realm and every social class. Yet
there seems to be a shared vision of that which is. Most religions, astrology,
science and the arts believe in the same core concepts though their
interpretation of those core concepts into a life / belief system is different
in verbiage, words and other small ways, causing those that feel they are more
right to argue and compel those of other systems into confrontation, even war.
I kept going.
I found more. I found Jerry Spence and ‘How to Argue and Win
Every Time’ and explored that concept with an individual that knows well how to
use the thought process behind the book well. “If perception is reality, create
the perception and you control reality.” I see that, but it is false and devoid
of feeling, energy, life.
I kept going.
My spirit started to suffer. I was getting tired and feeling
utterly confused. I had no concept of what my life should be, what was real and
who was lying or manipulating me. I studied the dart arts a little, got into conspiracy
theories and dug into science – holing that would be the fail safe method to
test that which is in some definitive way. Then I learned about atomic mass,
quantum mechanics and the fact that when you focus on something or look at
something, affect a part of its original whole – it changes. Much like the
truth in my world. The history they teach around the globe, facts represented
by politicians, marketing messages portrayed by corporations - all flexible to suit the agenda or convey the
ideas of the presenter.
But then… I found it –
my happiness and my truth, my way of living and being. At least the best I can
do for now with my current information that is. I have synthesized and analyzed
and slept on many questions and ideas. Now, I’m ready to begin discussing them,
sharing who I am and what is working for me. My motivation is not to gain favor
or to have people think I am right. My hope is merely that – that there will be
more hope. I would like to see those who are down trodden and tired know that
they will find their way if they just keep going and focus on themselves. It is
not selfish, it is not wrong. It is truly the only absolute we have – that we
can affect ourselves and choose our own reality. I know this because every
individual, every author, movie and church has their own version and it is
acceptable. You can choose what to do, see and how to feel.
Is it bound to get harder to maintain your vision and love
of reality? There is no doubt. Our world is in a stage of transition, but it is
time to choose the level at which we will hold our Selves to.
Here is to you and your journey. Thank you for sharing in
mine.
Jennifer
Lynn
December 29,
2012
9:45 am MST
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